If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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