bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
