I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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