i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How does one acquire holy water?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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