As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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