You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
