I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This baby is an asshole
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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