Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
my nose is crying tears of wow.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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