Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
