now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
