Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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