Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
