I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize