I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
