It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize