we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize
