Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
