I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
