I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im drinking this country out of the recession.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
