I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
