Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize