Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
