Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
