I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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