he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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