can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
