So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need a beard to bite.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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