Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
