i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
