I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
