Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
