So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
