I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
