she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
