We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize