You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have feelings that need drinking.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
