Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
