...so i touched it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
