so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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