just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Everclear isn't food dammit
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