i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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