just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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