You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
