His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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