The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
