Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
