No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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