My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
