1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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