and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
