She announced her abortion via fbk
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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