he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
