I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm both gender and math confused
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
