I accidentally had phone sex last night
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
