I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
