So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
