You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
