I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
