when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
