can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
