I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
why is half of my head shaved?
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