cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
