I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
