her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
