Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
