i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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