remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize