I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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