dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When did angry sex become our thing?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
