There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The maid of honor just puked.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
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