none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
sarcasm needs its own font
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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