I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
In America we eat man semen.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
