If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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