i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize