miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
